Jack Nicholson’s Eyebrows Are Mightier Than Chuck Norris.

This is not just the story of a man who has come out of retirement 18,734 times in the past five years. Nor is this a story about his decades of acting in virtually every film genre currently in existence. It’s not even a story about a comedic figure from the 1970s, as our assignment dictated. No, this is a story about two little pointy tufts of hair.

Jack Nicholson's eyebrows have had an astoundingly broad acting career, especially considering Nicholson has continuously been pigeonholed into the same slickly-maniacal roles over and over again. Back in the ‘70s, however, he was less of an icon (which can half be attributed to his familiar facial feature, THE EYEBROWS!!!!), and really shined on the silver screen as a passionate, versatile actor. Whether in comedies, dramas, horror flicks, or otherwise, Nicholson has consistently been given rather comic parts, uniquely filling roles that could be described as character actors with starring roles. Beyond his sly wit and fanatical mannerisms, it is really the way he uses his face, and primarily those ridiculous eyebrows like pyramids jutting up to the heavens, that sells him as the ideal Crazy Leading Man. No vaudeville luminary could pull off such a twisted mug as this guy.

Nicholson’s eyebrows furrowed and squiggled their way to success in such humorous and borderline demonic roles in the 1970s including Five Easy Pieces, Chinatown, Tommy, and One Flew Over The Cuckoo’s Nest. His eyebrows had been in many films and television spots since the late 50s, but starting with Easy Rider in 1969, the hirsute twins on Nicholson’s face got critical acclaim and were soon off on their way to stardom! By the time The Shining was released in 1980, the eyebrows were already renowned in the cinematic world, and it wouldn’t be long before they began to dominate Nicholson’s movie characters entirely.

His eyebrows have won 3 Oscars, as well as 63 other awards. They continue to work in cinema, recently raising themselves exceptionally high in The Departed; unfortunately, as they are beginning to turn grey, they now mostly appear in old-people movies like The Bucket List. Really a shame that these fuzzy masters are being dragged down with their host Jack Nicholson as he begins to exchange most of his oomph for wrinkles. This analyst thinks it’s about time for the eyebrows to leave Nicholson behind and go solo: RISE AND SHINE, YE SPIKY CATERPILLARS!